Yoda is a little green jerk and other thoughts

I tend to watch movies with a slightly different view of everything that happens. Which is anyone really surprised? So here are some of my thoughts that are just slightly different in movies....
1. You've Got Mail - Tom Hanks drives Meg Ryan out of business, ruins her professional career and plays mindgames with her after ruining her life. I'm supposed to believe that when she met him at the end, she didn't call him very bad names and kick him in the crotch?
2. Yoda and Dumbledore - The two characters in the movies (and in the Harry Potter case, the books) that bug me the most.
(a) Yoda tells little Darth to not miss his mother at all, calls him a danger to train, notes that Little Darth is just slightly unstable, and advises that he never face actual feelings. Then sits back and DOES NOTHING???? He doesn't supervise him more or anything really. And he's surprised that Little Psycho Darth turned bad?
(b) Dumbledore leaves a baby on a doorstep and DOESN'T go back to check on him for 11 years. Then manipulates all situations and people to his advantage. No wonder I like Snape more.
3. Twilight - Edward is a stalking psychopath and Jacob is a furry little d-bag. Frankly, Bella should drop kick both of them to the curb and find someone better. But of course, since she's a namby pamby little pushover she does nothing and lets the big strong (ha!) men tell her what to do and where to go, etc, etc.
4. The English Patient - The English Patient (what's his face) gave intelligence on Allied movements to the NAZIS. I wish he would have died faster.
5. Titanic - You're not in love with the little artist, spoiled rich chick. You just want to have sex with him. Then you never let your mother know that you survived a devastating boat sinking. Ever. You, spoiled rich chick, are an arse.
6. What's Her Face from the first three Star Wars movies - Anakin is NOT a good person. He killed a lot of sand people or something. He stalked her and was just generally creepy. Yet against all reason, logic and taste, she marries him. Then he massacres an entire temple of Jedi (including kids) and assaults her. Yet she still thinks he's a good person? This is what's wrong with women and how they are written in these movies.


We'll see if I can come up with more later....

What I've learned

Perhaps these are lessons we all learn when going through hard times, but these are my life lessons for the past few months.
Life has been a real challenge lately. Mostly because you expect life to go a certain way, to continue a certain pattern. But as with anything, life changes. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes not.

Most were incredibly hard lessons to learn. But they were lessons that I am probably most appreciative of.



1. Live life to its fullest. Buy the 180 dollar tango shoes. Go to tango festivals. Dance like an idiot at music festivals.

2. Some people will never love you. Not like you love them. Remember that it’s not how they feel about you. It’s about how you feel about them.

3. It’s not a sin to love people who hate you. It’s never a mistake to love people as long as you’re not a pushover with them.

4. Hatred, resentment, envy, and jealousy take an awful lot of energy. Instead of wishing your life to be another way or lecturing others about how they live, learn how to be content with your life and your choices.

5. Life isn’t perfect. Life isn’t fair. Life just is.

6. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t like your life choices. All that matters is if you do.

7. Judging other people is a waste of time and energy.

8. Always tell people that you love them. Always. Even if they never say it back, you're more blessed by your own declaration and boldness than they might ever be. Loving people is never a bad thing. And telling them that you love them is always, always what you should do.

9. No one is perfect. Never let your imperfections or other people’s imperfections change how you truly feel about them.

10. Always make the best of any situation. Even if the situation isn't perfect. Even if you are not particularly thrilled with where you're at, it's what you make of your life situations that makes the difference.

11. You’re not in control. You never have been. You never will be. Sometimes it’s just best to “go with the flow.”

The feet

I have a lot of people ask me what the deal is with my taking pictures of people's feet. I've done it for a long, long time and for a while, I couldn't explain it myself.
But now that I tango, I think I've figured it out.
You can tell a lot about a person by their feet. Or perhaps by the way they use them.
Sometimes you can tell a lot by their shoes.
Now if you were to look in my shoe closet (and it is pretty large), you'd see a wide variety of shoes. There are the tango shoes (naturally) which usually involve a rather tall heel and sometimes sparkles. There are my oft-used hiking boots and Tevas. There are my running shoes and sandals. There are my work shoes. My coworkers tease me that I never wear heels to work unless I'm testing them out for tango. Which is true.
I think my shoes show my variety of interests. From walking (no more running for me since I fell on ice doing that in January) to the dancing. My feet, all battered and calloused from my many physical activities show my teeny tiny amount of energy (fueled, no doubt, by gummy bears).

People's feet have always fascinated me because I think that you can tell a person's story by their feet. It's strange, but it's always been the way I've seen it.

It's been a while

I've been thinking for a while about this and it's something that genuinely bothers me. I get a LOT of chastising emails and lectures about how I'm not acting in a proper manner for me. That I should be that quiet shy little mouse that I was growing up and in school.
I suppose I should be. Perhaps I could have a husband or children by now if I were a little more submissive and sweet.
But I crossed that Rubicon already, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's all the traveling. Perhaps it's knowing that I simply can take care of myself.
I'm just too independent. And I will never be able to change that.
The greatest thing I've ever learned is to not judge. I'd prefer that people remember that when they deal with me. Thanks.

How I found the tango....

Many people laugh when they hear that I tango. A lot. I'm not sure if it's because it's a really odd hobby or if it just seems random, but they are usually surprised.
I've decided that we need to talk about how I found the tango.
I blame Mark. When I moved to Helena in 2007, I went to the Farmer's Market where the tango group was doing demos. And the first person I talked to was Mark. He made it sound like so much fun. So I decided to start.
I don't know why it stuck to me so closely. I don't know if it's because it can be happy and sad and arrogant and melancholy all at the same time. I don't know if it's because you can dance with the same lead to the same song and come out doing a completely different dance.
It seems to bring out such different aspects of people's personalities. My tangos tend to be aggressive. They tend to have a lot of energy and a lot of, well, fight to them. It takes me a lot more concentration to dance slowly than to dance arrogantly.
Now, I have an insane amount of tango music and shoes. I travel with shoes in my car at all times. I take dance shoes on trips just in case I have the chance. I buy heels based on whether I can slide in them. I find music, even non-tango music that have a great "tango" beat. I look for clothing that I can wear to tango.

I don't regret starting the tango because I've gotten a lot more out of it than just dancing. I found myself.

Oh, Marnie....

For those of you who don't know me very well and those who unfortunately do, I tend to be known as being brutally, brutally blunt. Shauna and I decided that I should list off some of the most blunt things I've ever said/written/etc.... The names and places will more or less be changed to protect the innocent (or really annoying).
1. After I took a philosophy class in University, I wrote an evaluation (which was not anonymous) about the professor. I said that he was a pathetic waste of time who could contribute nothing useful to society so he teaches a class which has absolutely no relevance to the real world. He should thank his lucky stars that he has tenure because he is completely pointless.
2. I once told a friend that he dressed like a colour blind pimp.
3. I told a guy that I'd rather cut my own uterus out than go on a date with him.
4. I told another that I wasn't gay, but I'd learn. (thank you, Homer Simpson)
5. When someone asked me my opinion about religion or politics or something, I told them that they were really really boring. And watching a guy screaming at another in a language I didn't understand was a much more interesting and productive use of my time.
6. When a friend kept complaining about something, I kept pulling out a little violin and I told them that no one likes a little whiny girl. (I believe it was a guy).
7. When someone was complaining about his ex-wife, I said, "You were married to a woman? Huh."
8. When a friend asked me if she should date a certain guy, I called him a douchebag. While he was in earshot. No wonder he wouldn't friend me on Facebook.

To anyone who recognizes any of these as something I said to you, I'm not really all that sorry. Frankly, if you're not used to me by now......

Five years ago

Five years ago, my cousin, Eric, committed suicide. It still doesn't seem real. Perhaps that's why most, if not all, of the family thinks it's still incredibly raw.

He did it shortly after our Granny's death and funeral, then my cousin's wedding. Most of us still can't figure it out.

My mother asked me once if I had ever considered suicide. I suppose it makes sense. Out of the whole family, I am the one who is probably the most sensitive and melancholy. Bordering on depression sometimes. I have also been used by many people in my life and perhaps that caused the shell to develop. The unfortunate answer is yes, I had considered it. When I felt like my life didn't matter. To this day, I still don't know how I managed to not do it, but I give most, if not all of the credit to God.

I used to try to force myself out of my melancholy times. To force myself into feeling ways that I simply do not feel. Now I ride them out. I have learned that my personality is one that soars amongst the highest of high and the lowest of low and that I must deal with both. I don't think about it anymore simply because I have embraced my unique personality that I have been blessed (or cursed, I haven't quite figured that out yet) with.

I don't know if even I can understand completely why Eric did what he did. I don't know if any of us will ever forget his all too short life and his choice to end it all. I don't think he knew how much his actions would affect everyone who knew and loved him. For the rest of our lives, I think May will always represent a month in which our family changed forever.

So I dedicate this post to my cousin. And his life. We will love him forever and will miss him terribly.

P.S. I promise the next blog post won't be so heavy. Have to get back to the wackiness.